


I reminisce with the stars, but they don't shine half as bright since you walked away

by TheSpaceHairAndTheSpaceIdiot



Category: Doctor Who RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-29
Updated: 2014-10-29
Packaged: 2018-02-23 03:00:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2531609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSpaceHairAndTheSpaceIdiot/pseuds/TheSpaceHairAndTheSpaceIdiot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He should have expected it. He was a bloody idiot to not have. Why on Earth wouldn't she be here? Alex and Arthur had always been close, had always gone to dinner and to the theater together, had always stayed close after the end of their working relationship. Of course Arthur would invite her to his wedding. For Matt not to have expected to see her here was a major oversight on his part.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I reminisce with the stars, but they don't shine half as bright since you walked away

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Sandbar11. Prompt: "Attending someone else’s wedding separately but ending up thrown together."
> 
> Title taken from "Back Together" by Jesse McCartney.

The moment he stepped through the ornate wooden doors, he spotted her. She was, after all, nearly impossible to miss with those curls floating magically around her head.

He should have expected it. He was a bloody idiot to not have. Why on Earth _wouldn't_ she be here? The more pressing question he had was why no one had thought to warn him. But allowing himself a moment to think as he stood stock-still in the middle of the crowded and bustling room, Matt thought that could probably be answered very simply - everyone had most likely assumed that it would be a given, obvious even to his recently oblivious self.

Alex and Arthur had always been close, had always gone to dinner and to the theater together, had always stayed close after the end of their working relationship. Of _course_ Arthur would invite her to his wedding. Karen was here, Steven and Sue were here, Matt himself was obviously present, and he was sure he'd spotted nearly half of the old _Who_ crew in the crowd. For Matt not to have expected to see Alex here was a major oversight on his part.

It wasn't as though he didn't _want_ to see her, it wasn't as if his entire being didn't sing with the urge to go up to her and talk to her, to pull her into his arms and just pretend that the last few years had never happened. But Arthur's wedding or not, he was positive acting on those urges would do nothing but get him kicked out and ensure the continued and forever cold silence between he and Alex.

This was still workable though, he thought quickly as he attempted to get his bearings together so as not to be spotted gaping at her like a fish. It was a big enough crowd, he was sure he could avoid her most of the night and resist making a fool of himself. He could probably get through the evening with little more than a hello.

Lying to himself that this made him feel at all better, Matt proceeded over to the table with the seating assignments, found the card with his name on it, and started to make his way through the crowd to his table, eyes flitting to where he'd seen Alex standing moments before only to see that she'd gone. Figuring that she'd gone off to find that _fianc_ _é_ of hers (the word tasted dirty in his mouth despite only being uttered in his head), he did his best to ignore the sinking feeling in his chest and continued on to find his seat.

As he approached table five, his heart nearly stopped when he spotted her sitting there, directly in the center of his field of vision, and he stumbled, nearly crashing into a passing server. After ensuring both the server and the tray he was carrying were both fine, Matt attempted to shake himself from the panic coursing through his veins at the prospect of sitting at the same table as her. He looked at who filled out the rest of the table and was relieved to see Karen and Tom, her American boyfriend, as well as the Moffats. He hoped having the four of them nearby would help to diminish the awkwardness. He was, however, confused when he saw there were only six places set at the table. Not that he would mind terribly if he were forced to find a seat at another table - he had no desire to watch Alex and her bloke fawn all over each other all night. Even if he wasn't freshly out of his own relationship, that wasn't a sight he'd ever be able to stomach.

He was still trying to decide between going to say hello to the group or leaving to find someone to speak to about his missing seat when he heard Karen's Scottish shriek pierce his ears.

"Matt! There you are! Where did you _go_ , you numpty?"

He took a deep breath and walked the rest of the way forward, giving a small wave to the table at large and doing his best to plaster a sheepish grin on his face. "Hey everyone! Kaz, you saw, I spilled wine down my front right before the ceremony. Soon as it was over, I ran upstairs to change." The whole event was being held in a grand hotel in London, with the wedding ceremony and a short pre-ceremony mixer held in one part of the hotel and the reception in a large ballroom in another part, with most of the attendees staying in the rooms upstairs.

Karen laughed, the champagne in the glass she was holding sloshing around from the force of it. "I figured you'd just keep the stains! I mean it's only a matter of time before you spill something else all over your shirt tonight - why change twice? Anyway, stop standing there like a lost puppy and come sit down!"

His eyes flitted around the table, avoiding gazes but ensuring that he hadn't miscounted. But no, there were definitely only six seats and though he hadn't so far seen this fiancé of Alex's and did not, in fact, have any idea what the man looked like, he was sure he had to be around somewhere. If Karen saw fit to bring her boyfriend of all of eight months, which to be fair, was a record for Karen regarding her relationships, then he was sure Alex would have brought the bloke she'd been engaged to for nearly two years.

"Er... where...?" he asked, trailing off, not wanting to seem as if he were deliberately ignoring the empty space next to Alex, but honestly unsure of himself in the moment.

"I do believe there is an empty seat next to Alex right over there," Steven piped up happily, gesturing to the mysterious chair situated between Alex and Karen.

Matt blinked, uncertainty wavering throughout his body. "Oh, yeah, of course, but... what about-?"

"I promise I don't bite, Matt," Alex said, her voice soft, light and pleasant, but also carrying a hint of wariness that he was sure no one else at the table would be able to discern.

The sound of her voice, the first time he'd heard it in person in three years, sweeps through his body like an autumn wind, sending a pleasant shiver down his spine and filling him with distant memories of the two of them locked up together in either his flat or hers, wrapped around each other as she proved just how much of a lie her statement was as her teeth marked her possession of him into his skin.

But no matter how much he still hated it, those days were long over and right now he had to go and sit next to her and pretend that he wasn't still recovering from the heartbreak of losing her, which considering that it had essentially been the cause of his most recent relationship's end, was no small feat. But he had to act normal, as if nothing was wrong and nothing had changed between them, and if for just tonight he got to at least pretend to be friends with Alex, well, it was certainly more than he'd ever thought he'd get again.

"No, right, of course not! I just thought... well, I mean... never mind. Ignore me!" he said hastily before walking over and throwing himself down into the empty chair. Deciding that an attempt at normality was in the works, he turned to her and grinned. "Sorry, Kingston, just never dreamed for a moment that they'd give me the best seat in the house. Although Kazza over here is ruining the view a bit."

She smiled at him as Karen harrumphed in protest, turning to Tom at her side to refute Matt's claim. "Nice to see you again, Matt. Good to know you're just as incorrigible as ever."

He was about to respond when he heard Steven speak up from across the table. "So, Matt, I'm so glad you could fit us into your grueling schedule. How is Hollywood treating you?"

Matt grinned, happy for the chance to talk about something that didn't cause his gut to twist with anxiety. "It's great! We just wrapped on the second Terminator film, so I've got a nice long break break before we start on the publicity trail and then start filming the last one, but I've got a couple really cool projects lined up to keep me busy in the meantime."

"Fantastic! I always knew you'd take the world by storm! Just remember, when you're writing you memoirs, that it was I, the loud Scotsman with an eye for brilliance, who discovered you!"

Laughing, Matt lifted the full champagne glass in front of him. "No, worries, Steven, you will always be my favorite producer!" he said happily as he took a sip. The others at the table, even poor Tom, who'd never met the man before, followed suit.

But Steven merely waved their toast away, arms out in front of him as if he were trying to shoo away a bat. "None of that now, I was joking!," he cried, batting away his wife's hands as she tried to lower his arms back down to the table. "Now back to you, Matt. What about that girl you've been with? The actress? Arthur said we'd get to meet her tonight and here you go and show up alone. What happened? Filming commitments?"

The happiness Matt has allowed himself to feel for the last minute or two quickly evaporated as his stomach did somersaults. Determinedly avoiding Alex's gaze next to him - he didn't even know if she was looking at him but if she was, he was most definitely not going to be looking back at her - be forced himself to answer. "Actually, Lily and I - er - well, we... broke it off. A few weeks ago now. It hasn't gotten around to the press yet, so-"

"No, of course. I'm sorry, I didn't realize-" Steven looked embarrassed and incredibly guilty, which only made Matt feel worse. It wasn't Steven's fault. In his post-breakup haze, he'd only bothered to speak to a select handful of people and Steven Moffat hadn't been on the list. Lily had, or course been set to join him tonight, so it was only natural that certain people would wonder where she was.

"Nah, it's fine, Steven, don't worry about it," he interrupted with a dismissive wave of his hand, still avoiding looking to his right to see Alex's reaction. "Trust me, it's - it's better this way. Don't even worry about it."

Steven nodded solemnly, taking Matt's hint to drop the topic and the table then fell into an awkward silence. It was finally broken a minute later when Alex saw fit to get everyone talking about why they were actually all here.

"Wasn't it a _lovely_ ceremony?"

"Oh my God, yes!" Sue jumped in excitedly. "Absolutely wonderful! Just perfect for the two of them!"

Alex nodded her agreement as Matt sat stilly by her side, determinedly staring at the blank wall, grateful for having the spotlight taken off of him. "And wasn't Sophie's dress absolutely gorgeous?"

"Yes! I loved it! And that veil!"

"And hey, hey!" Karen jumped in excitedly, "I managed to convince Arthur to shave that beard of his! He was gonna keep it but I managed to convince him that Sophie wouldn't want a scruffy groom in all their wedding photos and what do you know? Beardless groom!"

Even Matt, lost in thought as he was, had to laugh allowed at that, but he stopped quickly the moment he turned his head and made eye contact with an similarly laughing Alex, awkwardness settling over them once more.

The talk about the wedding had come at the perfect time, however, because only a matter of minutes later, Arthur and Sophie were finally announced as they entered the ballroom and made their way to the dance floor. As the two of them had their first dance, Matt's thoughts strayed.

Arthur was once of his first friends to get married, was certainly his _closest_ mate to tie the knot. He supposed it wasn't surprising, he and Sophie had been together for what seemed like forever at this point and they'd always been great together, only encountering a few stumbling points in their relationship thus far. The long distances they'd had to endure at times had been handled astoundingly well, and his friend never looked happier than when he was with her or even just talking about her. Matt was happy for them.

But if he were honest, there was a time when he'd imagined that he'd be the first to settle down, which if you asked anyone else, they would say was ridiculous since that was the reason he and Daisy had ended things - because he wasn't ready to commit, wasn't comfortable with the thought of marrying her, and it was also the reason for his more recent breakup with Lily. Which was why Matt found it more than a little bitterly ironic that the one woman he'd known without a doubt that he could commit to, could absolutely see himself marrying, had wanted nothing more to do with him and was now sitting next to him, pretending they hadn't spent over a year together, that she hadn't fled the moment he'd made it clear that he was invested in them for the long haul and taken his heart with her.

Stealing a sidelong glance at Alex as her attention was fixed on the couple on the dance floor, he tried to figure out, not for the first time by any means, what had gone wrong. They'd been happy together, he knew that. She'd always had that little gleam in her eyes when they were together that told him so and she'd never exactly tried to keep it a secret that she was happy. Then one day, at the end of what was supposed to be a romantic night, she was just gone.

And now they were together, not for the first time since they'd broken up, but certainly for the first time since they'd last filmed together, where they'd departed on less than friendly terms. They may be surrounded by people at the moment but so far no mention had been made of their time together, no mention of their breakup, of their last interaction with each other, or the great length of time since they'd seen each other. And even more strangely, there was absolutely no mention of this supposedly wonderful fiancé of hers who made her so happy. The fiancé that no one had seen fit to tell him about, forcing him to hear through the press. The fiancé who was curiously absent tonight at an event she surely would have been comfortable bringing him to under normal circumstances, seeing as it was closed to the press and the public and was filled with many old friends and colleagues.

Despite his best effort, Matt was curious. As nonchalantly as possible, he snuck a glance down at the table where her hand was curled around her glass and saw no sign of the oddly shaped ring she'd been sporting in photos since she'd starting talking about the Mystery Man, but then again, she'd never been very clear in her interviews whether it was actually an engagement ring or not, so that didn't necessarily mean anything. And even if it did, it certainly meant nothing where he was concerned, she'd made that perfectly clear.

The dance finally ended and it wasn't long before dinner started being served. The conversation started back up once more, the five people surrounding Matt taking up most of the talking time as he sat back and pretended to listen. In reality, his mind was a jumble as he tried not to let his senses get away from him due to the continued sound of her voice as she spoke or her laugh as she responded to one of Tom's jokes.

Her voice had always been hypnotic to him and now having it ringing through his ears, combined with just the mere presence of her so close to him, was doing things to him, sending his mind to places it had no business going. Every thing she said, every story she told just brought up one, two, a dozen more memories that he had to fight harder and harder to ignore. He was almost glad he likely wouldn't be seeing her again after tonight because any more extended contact would surely drive him mad.

Dinner passed quickly enough, during which the bride and groom made the rounds, greeting their guests, and when Matt congratulated his friend, it was with completely genuine enthusiasm, but he couldn't help trying to subtly decipher whether Arthur had any idea the sort of mental anguish their seating chart was causing him. If Arthur, or indeed anyone else, had any idea what he was getting at, he did a great job at pretending otherwise. Done with Matt, Arthur and Sophie turned to Alex beside him.

"Thanks so much for coming, Alex! I know you've had a lot on your plate lately, so it means all the more that you were able to make the trip," Arthur told her gratefully, bending down to give her a quick hug.

"Are you mad? I wouldn't miss your wedding for the world!" she cried happily, swatting his shoulder playfully. "Of course I came!"

Arthur laughed. "Well it wouldn't have been the same without you. Speaking of, I'm sorry Salome couldn't make it - tell her we missed her."

"I definitely will. She's with her father, last minute trip to Germany to see her grandparents before school starts back up. She told me to ask you to send her pictures the moment you get them back from the photographer!"

They quickly finished up their conversation and she wished the happy couple well before they moved on to the rest of the table. All the while, Matt's brain was firing up again. Arthur had asked about her daughter, which made sense, but absolutely no mention had been made about the missing fiancé. He supposed Arthur would have been told earlier that he wasn't coming but he assumed the same would be said for Salome - it wasn't like there was an extra place set for her, so Alex must have let them know she wasn't coming beforehand also. He knew he was obsessing and that he was obsessing over something that was absolutely none of his business. He would almost say that he was acting like a jealous ex-boyfriend, trying to scope out the details about his replacement, except that that was exactly what he _was_. It just didn't fill him with pride to admit it.

With the end of dinner, came the start of the more entertaining part of the evening. The music started and with it, people started leaving their chairs for the dance floor. This was the part of the night Matt had been dreading since he saw what the seating arrangement at the table was. Because now he was reminded more forcefully than ever that at least for tonight, he and Alex were two singles at a table otherwise filled with couples. Almost immediately Steven swept Sue off her feat and led her to the dance floor to enjoy the first slow song. It was only moments later that Karen and Tom left to join them, Karen only shooting him a brief apologetic look before hooking her arm through her boyfriend's and sauntering off. Matt was vaguely surprised, as slow dancing had never exactly been Karen's thing, but he was suddenly hit with the idea that he may in fact have to endure another night eerily similar to this one in the not-so-distant future if the looks those two had been shooting each other all night were any indication.

Of course, that left two. Matt found himself gazing out at the dance floor, pretending to be watching all the couples together, too preoccupied to notice that he and Alex were now the only two left at the table, alone together for the first time in years. He thought he could feel her eyes on him but wasn't sure if that was just wishful thinking or not, his eyes too studiously trained in front of him to be able to glance to his left and tell for sure. All too soon, however, he had to look away. He couldn't just keep staring out at nothing for the rest of the night. He could get up and go mingle, find someone else to talk to, maybe even someone to dance with, but he just wasn't in the mood to socialize.

Desperately, he pulled out his phone, pretending to study it intensely, occupied with something important, when really all he was looking at were a few texts from his mum and sister, telling him to congratulate Arthur for them. It was probably completely see-through but it at least helped him to feel not quite as pathetic or as if he were outright ignoring Alex (which, of course, he was, but he felt like an arse thinking that, and this helped relieve the guilt).

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her shift uncomfortably in her seat. He looked at bit more and saw her take a sip from her glass and more as she turned her head to watch the dancing couples just as he had been minutes earlier, only knowing Alex, she very likely was legitimately watching and not just using them as an excuse not to acknowledge him.

Before he knew it, he wasn't just looking at her out of the corner of his eye, but rather directly staring at her, something he wasn't even aware of until she caught him.

"See something you like, darling?" she asked lightly, a tiny but enchanting smile gracing her lips.

 _Darling_. God, it had been far too long since she'd called him that. He hadn't even realized how much he'd missed it. Her smile, yes, her laugh, of course, the feel of her bare skin pressed against his when he woke up in the morning, most definitely, but in all the pain of losing her, he hadn't really thought to miss her pet name for him. But now, after hearing it for the first time in so long, he thought he just might have missed it the most. And just like that, he was a goner once more.

Plus, she'd flirted with him. He was surprised. But should he be, really? That was practically the only way they spoke to each other _before_ and he had flirted with her when he first sat down. It was only natural that she shoot a flirty comment of her own back at him, right?

Still lost in thought and staring blankly at her, he forgot that she was actually waiting for a response of some sort. He wanted to say something funny, something witty, something friendly but nothing that would show her the hold she still held on him after four years apart. Instead, what he blurted out was, "No! I mean yes! I- I mean... you look really beautiful tonight, Alex."

He was an idiot.

She _was_ beautiful. He'd always thought so, and tonight especially so, with her tight, figure-hugging dress showing off all her wonderful curves in all the best places, but he hadn't meant to _tell_ her that. She seemed just as taken aback by his admission as he was, her eyes widening and her mouth dropping opening the tiniest bit.

"Thank you. You look wonderful tonight yourself, Matt."

"Thanks." He ducked his head and reached for his glass, refilling it with more champagne, wishing he'd got up earlier to get something a bit stronger from the bartender, and took a gulp to calm his nerves. Steeling himself, figuring he might never get another chance to really speak to her again, he turned back around and surrounded himself with an air of confidence he didn't actually feel. "So, Kingston, how have things been?"

The look on her face was half surprised, half impressed, probably shocked that he'd actually _intentionally_ said something to her. "Good. Things have been... good. Busy, but good. And you?"

"The same. Busy, but... good." _Liar_ . The only good thing to happen recently was the end of a relationship he had known wouldn't work out from the start. Lily had been great and he'd been as happy as a man who knew he could never have what he _really_ wanted could be, and he had loved her - in a way. Just not the way he knew she deserved. Or the way he did, for that matter. She'd been fantastic and he'd tried his best, but she'd simply never held a candle to Alex and the longer they were together, the clearer that became. To the both of them.

He realized too late that Alex had asked him something. "Er - sorry, what was that?"

She paused for a second before cautiously repeating herself. "I said I'm sorry about your breakup. I know it must be hard."

He blinked. "Oh. Oh, yeah, er - thanks. But I'm fine, really. Just a part of life, you know, breakups."

She was looking at him but seemed to be avoiding his gaze. "Yeah, just a part of life. So what happened? If you don't mind my asking, that is."

It was his turn to drop his eyes. "It just... didn't work out, you know? Things were going all right, I guess, but we both knew it wasn't going to last and why waste any more time on something neither of us were going to be happy with?"

He raised his eyes, not able to stand staring at the table cloth any longer, and his breath caught in his chest when they latched onto her gaze, staring right back at him. They stared at each other for a few seconds before Matt forced himself to look down again.

He reached again for his glass and took another sip, firing up his courage once more. "So what about you? Where's this mystery fiancé I've heard almost nothing about? How's that going?" He didn't actually want to know, not really. His desire to not have to picture the two of them together outweighed his curiosity, but she'd asked about his relationship and he supposed it was only polite to return the courtesy.

But his question had clearly wrong-footed her. She shifted in her chair and started fumbling with the napkin in front of her. "Oh him? That's over. We ended things a while back, a few months now."

Matt was pretty sure a small explosion had just gone off in his head. It took all of his mental strength not to burst out into the biggest grin possible. They'd broken up. She wasn't getting married. "Oh! I'm- I'm sorry!" He was ecstatic. He did feel awful in feeling so happy, though. He knew Alex must have taken it hard, what with her past history with failed marriages, adding a failed engagement to the list probably hadn't helped her insecurities.

She shrugged. "I'm not. Not really. Like you said, why continue something that wasn't right? It's not like I needed to add another failed marriage to my scorecard."

"But still, he must have been a real idiot to cut you loose," he said sincerely, not caring in the least if he was being too obvious.

She started fiddling with her napkin again. "Actually, I'm the one who ended it." She glanced quickly at his shocked expression. "Why so surprised? You of all people should know exactly how capable I am of ending a relationship."

She had a point there. "Well, yeah, of course you're capable," he said, barely managing not to trip over his words in his surprise at her referring, however vaguely, to their history together. "I'm just... surprised is all, I guess. You seemed really happy in all your interviews."

She gracefully ignored his accidental admission to reading her interviews. "Well, as amazing as Paul _was_ , and he was really great, I just came to realize that I wasn't as happy as I'd tried to convince myself I was. He just wasn't all that I for looking for in a relationship... or in a man. It just took me a while to realize."

Matt felt strangely numb. "Well, that's good," he said quickly. "That you realized. Before the - the wedding, that is." He took a deep breath, and as the oxygen circulated throughout his brain, an idea occurred to him, an idea that twenty minutes ago would have seemed mad, but he was feeling just daring enough to give it a go. With the opening chord to yet another slow song starting up and still running on the high that came from finding out _she wasn't getting married_ , he turned to her and said, "How about a dance?"

She looked over at him quickly, surprise and uncertainty dawning over her features. "What?"

He pressed on and held out his hand. "A dance? You and me, for old times sake? What do you say?"

She still looked unsure, but quickly enough a soft smile spread across her face. "Of course, darling," she replied and reached out to take his offered hand.

Feeling oddly giddy, Matt jumped out of his seat and helped drag her to her feet before leading them out onto the dance floor, finding a small, unoccupied space to park them in. For a moment, they stood, staring at the other in silence, until eventually he reached out and placed his hands gently on her waist and she followed suit, resting hers over his shoulders. There was a considerable distance between their bodies, but as they began to move softly to the music, that distance became a bit less uncomfortable.

They were silent at first, which was fine by Matt. It gave him the opportunity to savor the feeling of having her in his arms again, no matter how temporary. It was something he never thought he'd have again. He wanted to inscribe it in his memory, along with the ever-precent scent of honey and jasmine that followed her wherever she went.

"This is nice," he said softly after a minute, looking down at her and noticing that the sizable distance between them, while not fully closed, was certainly much smaller than it had been when it started.

"Yes, it is," she said with a smile.

"Did you know that you're the only woman I've ever slow danced with whose toes I've never mangled?"

She laughed. "I don't know about never, darling. There was that one BBC Christmas party where you seemed to be all left feet-"

"Ahh, but you can't count that! It was the first time we'd ever danced and I was unaccountably nervous, having a gorgeous woman in my arms. I hadn't thought you'd actually say yes when I asked. Or at least I hadn't really thought past what would happen when you did. But I got the hang of it pretty quickly, I think, yeah?"

"Oh, yes," she hummed distantly, and he was once again surprised to realize that they were now even closer, with her head resting delicately against his chest and his cheek grazing her curls. "You always were surprisingly graceful when the situation called for it."

Matt was glad she couldn't see his face at the moment because he felt a blush start to stain his cheeks. She was the only person who'd ever called him graceful and she'd only ever used the word under two circumstances: when they were dancing and when they were in bed. He mentally shook himself to push those thoughts far out of his head and was about to respond when she spoke again.

"You know, Matt, I just wanted to say, I really am sorry-"

"I don't wanna talk about Lily. I promise, I'm fine. I'm _more_ than fine actually."

She pulled back a bit, just enough to actually look at him. "I wasn't talking about Lily. I meant that I was sorry about what happened with us. I didn't handle things right and I know I hurt you. I'm sorry."

"Oh, that. Right." Their dancing had slowed to something barely more than simply swaying, their minds too occupied with the conversation to bother working on the next steps in their dance. Matt's heart was thumping wildly in his chest and he was sure she could hear it, feel it even, but he did his best to keep his voice level. "Don't worry about it, Kingston. It was a long time ago."

"Oh, right. A long time ago, of course." He could have sworn he saw a flash of hurt go through her eyes but when he looked again, she seemed fine and he chalked it up to a trick of the light.

"Besides," he continued lightly, "I was an idiot to ever think I could keep someone as amazing as you forever."

She inhaled sharply and he panicked, sure in that moment that he'd been too candid, that he'd said something wrong or inappropriate, something to ruin this impossibly good moment they were having. "That's not true. I was the one who couldn't believe that you'd stick around for the long haul."

They stopped moving all together. Matt was only glad that the music was so loud and the crowd dense enough that no one was paying any attention to them. "Alex," he started, taking a moment to gather his thoughts, " _you_ left _me_."

She nodded solemnly. "I know."

"No, I mean, I told you I _loved_ you and you _left_."

She nodded again. "I know."

"I told you I _loved_ you and you _left_ and I never _heard from you again_ . I mean, you came back months later to film that last episode but you ignored me the entire shoot until I went to confront you and we had that awful row and then I _really_ never heard from you again."

"I _know_ , Matt, trust me." Her face had a look of pure guilt and regret on it, but he was confused.

"So how on Earth does that compute with _you_ being afraid _I'd_ be the one to leave?"

She shook her head. "I don't expect you to understand."

"You're right," he insisted, "I _don't_ understand, I never did, not for a moment. So make me, please, because I've been wondering what it was I did wrong for four years now and I'd love to really understand the reason."

She sighed. "Matt, when we broke up, you were still in your _twenties_ . Granted, you were twenty-nine, but _still_ , for a woman pushing fifty, that was an unbelievable concept, that a man that much younger would ever seriously consider... well... a _serious_ relationship."

"We _had_ a serious relationship. Or at least I thought we did."

"No, we did, of course we did. It's just there's serious and then there's _serious-_ "

"Alex-"

"And I was still going through my _second_ divorce and Florian and I hadn't even been separated all that long yet and Salome was still so _young,_ " she said very quickly, her emotions obviously amping up as she spoke. "But things were going so well with us that I didn't want to rock the boat with my worries and then that one night came and you told me that you _loved_ me and I panicked. I didn't think you could possibly understand what that meant and that even if you did, you'd change your mind and I'd be left with yet another broken heart. So I left and I broke yours instead."

There was a small and silent track of tears coating her cheeks and in his slightly dazed state, he reached his hands up, one at a time, to wipe them away. "I wish you'd have just talked to me, given me a chance to say something. I don't know what exactly could have convinced you, but you didn't even give me a chance to fight for us. Every call, every text, every letter, every video chat, you ignored. I figured you thought I was just some stupid kid, good enough for a few shags but out the moment I started getting ideas about being anything more."

"That was never how I thought of you, darling. Even when I didn't want to admit it, you were so much more than that," she said softly, her hand running down off his shoulder to touch his bow tie, flattening it softly against his chest as she raised her gaze to look directly into his eyes. "You still are."

His grip on her waist tightened and it was all he could do not to pull her flush up against him. He never in a million years thought he'd ever get another chance with this woman, but if this wasn't a second chance he didn't know what was. He struggled to speak, having to clear his throat before any sound would come out. "God, I really wanna kiss you right now," he said, his voice a bit more gravely than he intended.

But she only lowered her head back to his chest and hummed, "Too many people, darling. I think we'd cause a scene."

He snorted. Causing a scene was the last of his worries, but he'd do this her way. "Well, then can we go somewhere there aren't so many people and...talk?" He was now convinced there was absolutely zero chance that she couldn't hear his heart pounding. It felt like it was about to burst out of his chest at any moment.

She pulled back in his arms again and studied him seriously for a moment, during which he could feel the fate of his life being decided right there in her head. A moment later, she nodded quickly, then leaned up and whispered in his ear.

She left a moment later, rushing from the room, the official story that she had broken her heal on the dance floor. He was to wait fifteen minutes before purposefully fulfilling Karen's prediction from earlier that evening and spill wine down his front for the second time that day, necessitating his running back to his room to change. With any luck, no one would second guess their stories until the morning, at which time, if all went well, he wouldn't care in the slightest if anyone suspected anything.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Ten minutes later (he simply couldn't wait a second longer), he found himself standing outside the door to her hotel room, his shirt and tie soaked through with red wine, and his hair a tussled mess from running his hands through it almost constantly since the moment she left the party. Nervously, he brought his hand up and rapped softly against the wood.

Barely a second later, the door swung open and before he knew what what happening, she had pulled him over the threshold and shut the door behind them, pushing him up against the wall in the tiny, narrow hallway that led to the room.

For half a breath, they stared at each other, pressed close together in the darkened space.

Then, instantly, his lips were on hers. For the first time in years, he was finally kissing her again. Despite what he may have thought, he'd never forgotten the taste of her, her mouth seared into his subconscious, only needing a flicker of flame to reignite the sensation in his mind.

White, hot fire raced through his body, his hands coming up to frame her face as hers instantly came up to scratch at his scalp. Never before had he been more happy with his decision to grow his hair back out, because the sensation of Alex's fingers running through it was one he never wanted to miss out on again.

A surge of energy hit him and he pushed away from the wall at his back, quickly pressing Alex up against the one behind her, loving the squeak of surprise she let loose at the sudden change. Almost instantly, his hands started straying, first to her waist, then up to grasp at those glorious breasts, where she gave another small squeak, which really, bordered more on a moan, before sliding back down to her hips, all the while kissing her more ferociously than he'd ever kissed anyone in his life.

Her one hand stayed in his hair while the other worked its way slowly down his body, coming to rest squarely on his arse, and then squeezed as she grinned devilishly into his mouth.

He growled and moved both of his hands further south, where he proceeded to knead her arse with enthusiasm. After a few moments, he kept one hand in place and moved the other to her thigh, reaching the bottom of her dress and determinedly pushing it up towards her hip before grasping at the thigh once more and pulling it up around his waist, allowing him to press his arousal more insistently against her. They both moaned at the deliciously close contact.

If he didn't stop himself, he'd end up taking her right here, pressed up against this wall, not even properly in her room yet, and he knew it would be marvelous. Knew he'd loved every last moment of it and would ensure she did as well, but it wasn't what he wanted, especially not where there was an extremely comfortable looking bed not ten feet away.

"Darling," she moaned, breaking the kiss and turning her head in the direction of said bed, obviously reading his thoughts. Without missing another beat, he reached down and pulled her other thigh up around his hips, allowing her to wrap her legs around his waist before he pushed off from the wall and walked them across the room. Before, if he had tried this, he was sure they'd both worry about the possibility of him dropping her, muscle never being something he'd been naturally gifted with, and his long limbs his eternal enemy. But he'd bulked up considerably since they'd last been together, his build not nearly so thin and lanky.

He dropped her right in the middle of the bed, crawling quickly over her, shedding his suit jacket in the process. He dived back down to the bed, attaching himself to her neck, taking delight in the taste of her skin under his tongue as he ran it over her pulse. She was panting beneath him as she slid one hand beneath his shirt to run her fingers sensuously up and down his back, one knee moving strategically between his legs, rubbing against him just right and causing him to groan loudly. "God, Alex, stop, or this is going to be over way too quickly," he managed to get out between moans and gasps for air.

She grinned up at him. "Sorry," she gasped with a grin that told him she really wasn't sorry at all. She lowered her knee and raised her arms slightly beneath him in a show of surrender. Unable to help himself, he closed his hands over her wrists, pressing them against the mattress above her head. Several moments passed, however, and he still didn't move. He just stayed there, kneeling over her as he stared down at her, still unable to fully believe what was happening. Apparently he stared a second too long, because Alex seemed concerned.

"Matt? Darling, are you all right?"

Shaking himself, his hair flopping down into his eyes, he said, "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. I'm perfect. _You're_ perfect. Just got lost in thought for a minute."

"What are you thinking about? Tell me." She framed it as a command but the way she spoke it made it clear it was a request, one she wasn't entirely sure she the the right to make. He felt her wrists twist beneath his hands and took the cue to release her before dropping down onto the bed beside her.

He turned onto his side, one hand coming up to support his head while the other trailed along her dress-clad waist once she'd rolled over to face him. "I just - are we really gonna do this, Alex? Pick up where we left off? Start over? Because if so, I need to know it's real this time, that you're not gonna pick up and run again. Because I'm telling you now, I couldn't take it. The first time was awful enough, I wouldn't survive a second time."

She reached her hand out and started running her fingers through his hair. While before they had been harsh and scratching at his skin, now they were soft, gentle and soothing. "I promise not to run again. But, Matt, I think you may have your expectations set a bit high. You know it's not going to be perfect right? Or easy? I promise to do whatever it takes to make us work this time, but you need to understand we don't live in a fairytale. Issues are going to crop up."

"I know that!" he protested. "I know our age difference probably still concerns you. I know we're both insanely busy and we're gonna have to be apart for long periods of time. I know Sal's older now, but you still have her to think about, and then there's the press and our careers, and probably a list of other things that could pop up, but none of that bothers me. I promise you, we can get through anything if we both promise to be open about it. I need you to talk to me, love, instead of swanning off and panicking on your own. I can't help fix problems I'm not aware of, all right?"

"All right," she said gently, a cautious but bright smile lighting up her face, "I promise." She leaned in and kissed him, her lips brushing tenderly against his, lingering only a moment before she pulled away, laying back and pulling him back on top of her.

He leaned down and kissed her eagerly again, mind running rampant with the conversation they'd just had and what it meant for them going forward. Here she was, back in his arms, back in his life, and if he had it his way, she'd be back in his bed by tomorrow, although he was more than happy to make due with the hotel for tonight. Nothing could get him out of this bed right now and he didn't think he could wait another moment before devouring her whole. Except-

He wanted to get one thing out of the way first.

He knew she was about to ask if he was all right again, since he'd just been staring at her for several seconds now but he beat her to the quick, speaking quickly so as to stave off the nerves. "I just want you to know right off the bat, so there are no surprises later - I love you."

Her breath hitched slightly in her throat and he could see the beginning of tears welling up in her eyes. It had only been a mere second, but he was starting to get scared when-

"I love you too, darling." Before he could process her response, she leaned up and pressed a quick kiss to his chin. "And I don't want you to ever be afraid of saying that to me again."

And that was it. With a renewed frenzy, he pounced, lips attacking hers with an aching passion. She bit at his lip, drawing a whimper from his throat, before he broke the kiss, moving down to her neck, kissing and licking and sucking at her skin as she panted above him.

While his mouth was otherwise occupied, his hands crept down, down, down to lift the hem of her dress up past her hips once more, exposing her already sopping knickers to the cool air of the room.

"Jesus, Alex, you're drenched already, love," he gasped into her ear as his fingers trailed gently over her core, pressing insistently over her clothed clit, eliciting a keening sound from her mouth.

Panting, she managed two words, "Missed you," before dissolving into another moan at the feel of his fingers on her.

Insistently, he pushed the kickers out of the way and quickly pressed two fingers into her soaking, clenching heat. She immediately cried out, her back arching beneath him as she moaned her pleasure.

"I've missed you too. God, how I've missed you, sweetheart," he growled into her ear. "Every day, every minute, every damn _second_." He continued his assault on her neck, nipping delicately down the column of her throat as he kept his fingers absolutely still inside her, relishing the feeling of her wrapped around him once more. His reached her collar bone, spreading his tongue over it before he struggled with his free hand to push her dress up even higher, frustrated when he realized the form-fitting dress he'd so admired earlier was meant to go down when being take off and simply wouldn't go any higher.

Growling in frustration, it was with great regret that he pulled his fingers free from the welcome heat of her body, regretfully listening to her moan of frustration, and used both hands to reach behind her, undoing the zipper with glee. As he did that, her hands came up to his chest and swiftly started to undo his buttons, paying no mind to the wine staining his shirt. All too soon, but really not soon enough, his shirt had been flung to the floor and he took great delight in sliding her dress and knickers over her hips and down her legs in one quick motion.

Instantly, he resumed where they'd left off, his fingers sinking inside her heat and his mouth descending to her collarbone, stopping there only momentarily before dropping lower to lick at the tops of her breasts. Finally, he allowed his fingers to start moving within her, slowly but steadily, curling slightly and setting up a forceful rhythm, gradually increasing the pace. She clutched at his back, eyes shut tight, and threw her head back the moment his mouth closed around her nipple, moans filling the air. He sucked gently and raised his free hand to run circles around the other nipple, alternating the direction of his thumb every few seconds before switching sides, bringing his mouth to the other breast and reaching only slightly awkwardly for the now unoccupied one, his left hand still working furiously inside her.

He knew she was close. Even after all these years, he could still tell when he had her right at the edge. Her thighs were twitching and her moans were reaching just the right octave. With two more strokes of his hand and the scrape of his teeth against her sensitive nipple, she was a goner, her back giving one final arch as she screamed her release.

Normally, making this amount of noise in a hotel room would be frowned upon, but he was reasonably confident that everyone staying in this part of the hotel would still be down celebrating at the reception. Even if that weren't the case, nothing could get him to care right in this instant. He hadn't brought this woman to orgasm in far too long and there was no way in hell he'd let anyone make him apologize for that.

Quickly, while she was still buzzing with the aftershocks, he crawled quickly down her body and ducked his head between her legs, flicking his tongue out to taste her, savoring the uniquely delicious taste of _Alex_ now invading his mouth. He lapped at her eagerly, tongue running lightly over her folds, dipping inside to gather up as much of her juices as he could, greedy for the taste after so long without it.  
Finally, he made his way slowly back up her body, sucking his fingers one by one into his mouth, licking the last of her off his skin. Once his fingers were clean, he leaned down, crushing his mouth against hers, loving how her tongue instantly invaded his, desperate to get a taste of herself. While their mouths were busy, he felt Alex's hands trail down his body, coming to rest over the sizable tent in his trousers, fingers immediately starting to stroke up and down his length.

He hissed through his teeth. Like everything else they'd done tonight, it had been _inappropriately_ long since he'd felt her fingers on his cock and he was immensely grateful when she started to undo the button on his trousers, moaning at the slight vibration caused by her undoing his zipper. He was just about ready to burst and was doing his best to run through his mental list of "Very Unsexy Things," trying to avoid coming too soon, like a bloody teenager. He'd waited this long to have her again, he'd be damned if the grand finale of the night was ruined because he was too damned _excited_.

She shoved his trousers off his hips, finally giving him a little blessed relief, and he used his legs to kick them and his shoes off his body, down towards the edge of the bed. Before he knew it, her hand was inside his pants, her soft, tiny fingers wrapping tightly around his cock and pulling it out over top of the elastic waistband, giving it a firm tug in the process.

He cried out, too affected by her hands on his skin to do or say much of anything else, nearly too affected to even keep himself propped up over her, feeling his knees nearly give out beneath him. She tugged on him again and then used her thumb to stroke over his freely leaking tip, rubbing the pre-come she found there into his skin before raising her hand to her face and licking the residue from her thumb, moaning obscenely in the process. "I've missed the taste of you desperately, darling," she moaned into his hair, his head resting on her chest as he fought to keep his composure.

"Next time, love. Trust me, I won't make it," he gasped out. She sighed mournfully before kissing the top his head. With a groan, he sat up and reached behind him for his trousers, digging his wallet out of his back pocket and digging a condom out. He threw the trousers to the floor and impatiently ripped open the wrapper in his hands. Quickly rolling the condom over his cock, he lowered himself over Alex once more, her knees coming up to cradle his hips.

He took another moment to simply gaze down at her, gorgeous and glorious beneath him. Startled, he noticed a trail of tears starting to slide down her cheeks. "Alex?" he said worriedly, concerned this might be too much too soon.

"I'm fine, darling, honestly, just a little overwhelmed," she assured him, dismissing his concern with a wave of her hand, reaching her head up to kiss his cheek.

"We could stop, you know," he said, not wanting to push her or this newly reestablished connection, not wanting to ruin this second chance before it even got started. "We could just lay here together, we don't have to-"

"No, no, of _course_ I want to," she said hastily, her eyes widening, worried that she'd given him the wrong idea. She rested her hands on his upper arms, tracing circles over his skin thoughtfully. "I was just thinking, we've gone so long without each other, _years_ where we could have been happy, and now all that time was wasted and it's all because of me."

He shook his head defiantly, quick to comfort her. "You can't think like that! We're together now, that's all that matters. All that pain, all that loneliness and regret, it's over now. We're together, and if I learned anything over all this time it's that I love you way too damn much to let you go again. _That's_ what matters. Let's just... forget about the past and start focusing on the future, yeah?"

She choked on a disbelieving laugh, bringing her hands up to wipe haphazardly at her eyes before he batted them out of the way to do so himself. "What did I do to deserve you?" Not waiting for him to respond, which he was grateful for since he was too overcome to come up with an appropriately witty response, she continued, "I _do_ love you, Matt, so much. I did even back then, I was just too scared to admit it."

He grinned and leaned down, kissing her gently, keeping it slow and tender for a moment before deepening it into one much more purposeful. Suddenly, he was all too aware of his throbbing erection pressed insistently into her thigh and he was overcome by his need for her. He broke the kiss and reached down between them, grasping hold of his cock to position himself at her entrance. With one final peck to her lips, he thrust forward, sheathing himself within the wet heat of her cunt.

He gasped for breath as her body _finally_ enveloped him, hardly hearing the deep moans coming from her mouth or feeling the marks her nails were making against his back, caring only for the blissful, viselike grip of her walls clenching onto him. He wanted to stay just like this, forever embedded, unmoving inside her body, but the effort it took to keep still was already getting to be too much and he simply had to move. With a grunt, he withdrew from her heat, his body protesting the loss, and thrust back into her. The sounds that now came from Alex's mouth spurred him on, giving him the drive to continue moving, pumping his cock faster and harder into her as she bucked her hips, meeting him thrust for thrust.

He was close, so unbearably close. He'd known from the start that he wasn't going to last long, not after so long without her, but he was determined to bring her off first. Desperately, he moved his hand down between their sweat-slicked bodies, his fingers finding her clit and rubbing desperately as he continued to pound inside of her. She was close again, he could tell. Instead of moans, she was now giving tiny shrieks of pleasure every time he hit that sweet spot inside her, each more frantic than the last.

Up until now, he hadn't been entirely conscious of what was coming out of his mouth, but he suddenly heard the string of profanity leaving his lips, punctuated every few seconds by words of encouragement.

_Fuck, Alex, you're so fucking gorgeous._

_I've missed you so fucking much, sweetheart._

_I can't believe I've gone so long without your lovely cunt wrapped around my cock._

Hearing him speak had always had the most wonderful effect of her during sex and it was obviously still something she enjoyed by the way she was writhing uncontrollably beneath him.

Redoubling his efforts, he snapped his hips forcefully into her and he could now almost _feel_ her orgasm start to roll through her body. "That's it, Alex, you're almost there. I can see it in your face, love, how close you are. I can feel it inside you, you're already clamping down on me, trying to set me off. But I need you to come for me first, sweetheart. I can't until you do. You're so close, just take what you need from me and come. It's been too bloody long since I've seen you come like this, all wrapped around me and desperate. I've never been more desperate to see anything in my life, so come on, Alex, show me. Show me if you still look the same when you scream my name." All of this was growled into her ear, broken only by the occasional moan or grunt of his own and it seemed to do the trick because only three more strokes and a handful of seconds later, she broke.

The orgasm ripped through her almost viciously, sending wave ofter wave of pleasure surfing through her as she screamed. He caught his name leave her lips just before she buried her face in his neck. At the same moment, she clenched so tightly around his cock that he went careening into a blissful release of his own. As his orgasm rolled through him, he grunted out her name and bit down on her shoulder, eager to focus on the earth-shattering pleasure rocking through his body instead of listening to whatever else was sure to come out of his mouth.

Minutes later, they were both still breathing harshly, Matt all but collapsed on top of her, but Alex didn't seem to mind in the slightest. Instead, she seemed to find comfort in the warm weight of him draped over her. He felt her start to rub his head, her fingers grazing his scalp and making him feel like purring in contentment. Apparently keeping with the cat-like behavior, he turned his face slightly, nuzzling his nose against her cheek.

"We should break up more often if it leads to reunion sex like _that_ ," Alex joked lightly, giving a small moan as she stretched her back as best she could with him still on top of her.

Regretfully, he rolled over so as to let her move more freely and scowled at her. "Bite your tongue! I told you - never again. And I meant it. We are - _never - doing- that- again_!" he said forcefully, punctuating each word by pressing a kiss to a different part of her face.

She laughed brightly and twisted around to face him on her side. "Oh, really? What a shame. Because I have to say, that was the best sex I've had in _years_."

"It better had been," he said, scowling again. He brought his fingers to her side, tickling her lightly and watching as she squealed and twisted away from his hand. "And I didn't mean the sex," he laughed. " _That_ I very much hope to repeat on a regular basis. It's the 'having to live without you' part I refuse to give another go."

"Ohh, _that_ ," she said slowly, pretending to have only just gotten his meaning, her eyes sparkling mischievously. "Well, _that_ I can agree to."

"Great," he said, leaning his head back against the pillow, feeling his eyes start to get heavy. "We're agreed."

"Oh, yes, definitely, darling," she said all too happily. He felt her settle down more securely next to him and he draped his arm over her waist as she fought to pull the covers up around the both of them. "You're stuck with me. It really is for the best, I think. I really have no idea how you've survived without me this whole time."

"No clue, love," he said drowsily, already half asleep, content to doze to the sound of her voice. "'m sure it was pure luck."

"It must have been," she said impishly. "I mean what sort of self-functioning adult spills wine all over his suit twice in one evening?"

 


End file.
